Lost Marbles, err Memories
by Reba Jean
Summary: The idea of a humorous fic with this unusual pairing had been bouncing around in my brain for a while. Mamoru has never been quite the same since that youma hit him on the head.


Lost Marbles, err Memories  
By Reba Jean, Mar. 30, 2002  
Rating: PG13/R  
Genre: Humor/Parody  
  
Disclaimer: Characters are based on Sailor Moon copyright 1992   
by Naoko Takeuchi/Kodansha, TOEI Animation, English language   
adaptation copyright 1995 by DIC Entertainment. This story is   
not intended for monetary gain or tangible profit, but purely   
for entertainment of the readers.   
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*   
  
  
Haruka snuggled into her piles of pillows and pulled the down comforter   
more tightly around her. She was exhausted after the battle. Michiru   
and Hotaru were due back later from the concert tour. It would be   
wonderful to have Michi back, she was so tired of being alone. Haruka   
drifted peacefully off to sleep.  
  
Sometime later she became vaguely aware of a warm body slipping in   
beside her. The arms snaked around her and drew her close as Michi   
snuggled up next to her. But the fingers caressing her breasts had   
calluses in the wrong places. There was no brush of long aqua tresses   
against her shoulders. No soft breasts, but instead a hard chest   
pressed against her back. And what was that hard lump against her hip?   
Haruka awakened with a start. Surprising even herself with the   
uncharacteristic action, she uttered an ear-piercing shriek that vied   
with one of Usagi's or Minako's for intensity. There was a MAN in her   
bed!  
  
"Haruka darling, why did you scream? That hurt my ears," the person in   
bed with her complained and then began kissing the nape of her neck.   
  
The voice was familiar, she knew this person. Haruka struggled against   
the imprisoning grasp to reach over and turn on the lamp on her bedside   
table. She twisted around to see who had accosted her. "Mamoru, just   
what do you think you're doing in my bed!" Haruka yelled angrily.  
  
A confused expression crossed Mamoru's face, "But darling, I'm your   
cousin Michelle."  
  
Then looking even more confused, he asked, "But if I'm your cousin,   
what am I doing in your bed? That's sick." Enlightenment lit his   
features, "Oh yeah, I'm Michiru NOT Michelle. Ugh, I was so worried   
there for a minute."  
  
The situation was so ludicrous, Haruka could contain her laughter no   
longer, and it burst out loudly. Mamoru began to chuckle uncertainly   
in response to her obvious amusement. A sleepy Setsuna appeared in   
Haruka's doorway. "First I hear you scream and now you're laughing."  
Her eyes widened in surprise, "Why is Mamoru in your bed? Usagi will   
kill you Haruka; you know how jealous she gets over him. Why that time   
when I, um never mind about that," she trailed off.  
  
Haruka said to Setsuna, "He thinks that he is Michiru; we've got to get   
him back to himself. That kick to the head from the last youma must   
have scrambled his brains again."  
  
"Oh no, not again," groaned Setsuna. "How often is this going to   
happen?"  
  
"How often is what going to happen? Why are you so upset, Haruka   
darling?" asked the confused Mamoru.  
  
"Maybe we can show him who he is," Setsuna offered as she handed a   
mirror to Mamoru. "Look at yourself."  
  
Mamoru moaned. "But where is my beautiful long aqua hair. Who cut it   
and dyed it that ugly black?"  
  
Haruka pulled the covers down to his waist. "Look at yourself dear,"   
she said.  
  
Mamoru looked down and screamed, "I'm flatter than you Haruka. Who   
performed a mastectomy on me? Where are my lovely breasts?" He began   
sobbing heart-brokenly.  
  
Haruka was getting impatient with this farce. What would it take to   
convince this idiot that he was NOT Michiru? She grinned evilly,   
"Michiru darling, pull open the waist of your boxers (the ones covered   
with chibi Tuxedo Masks and senshi) and look down please and tell me   
what you see."  
  
The sobbing but trusting Mamoru did as his "lover" asked. A scream   
even louder and more high-pitched than Haruka's accosted Setsuna's and   
her ears.  
  
"Damn it, Haruka. Why did you have to go and upset him that way?"   
Setsuna complained.  
  
The horrified Mamoru looked down his pants again; 'it' was still there.   
"Haruka, take it away. Pull it off," he sobbed.  
  
Setsuna chuckled, "Mamoru darling, I don't think you'll want her to do   
that when you're in your right mind. Besides, Usagi might be rather   
upset with us if we did that. I hate to tell you this but you really   
are a boy and not a girl."  
  
"I am?" Mamoru asked confusedly. He looked down his pants again for a   
moment, "I guess I AM a boy. It's really a rather nice one too. Would   
you like to see it Haruka? Or you Setsuna?" he offered graciously.  
  
Setsuna patted his shoulder, "No dear. That's quite all right. We've   
all seen you before when you transform to Tuxedo Mask."  
  
"But who is Tuxedo Mask? I am Michiru aren't I? How did I turn into a   
boy?" he asked, still convinced he was her somehow.  
  
A slamming door, the thunk of luggage hitting the floor, and the   
clomping of four feet ascending the stairs, announced the arrival home   
of Michiru and Hotaru. Michiru ran lightly up the rest of the stairs,   
as she saw the light on above. "Haruka darling, I'm home!" she   
announced.   
  
"WHAT IS MAMORU DOING IN MY BED?" Michiru screamed as she saw who was   
with HER Haruka. She flew toward him, fingers extended like claws.   
"Get out of my bed! Haruka is mine! You can't have her!"  
  
Mamoru whimpered and leaped out of bed, hiding behind Setsuna. "Don't   
let her get me. But how can she be me, when I'm her?" he asked heart-  
brokenly.  
  
Setsuna and Hotaru grabbed and held off the fuming Michiru. "Settle   
down, he thinks that he is you. He got hit in the head again," Haruka   
quickly explained to her angry mate.  
  
Setsuna addressed the crowd. "Let's all go downstairs and I'll make   
some coffee. Michiru, go call Usagi to come pick up Mamoru and take   
him home. It's going to be a long night," she groaned.  
  
The four girls led the half dressed Mamoru downstairs. When he smelled   
the brewing coffee, he perked right up again. "Let me get this   
straight, I'm not Michiru, right?" he asked.  
  
"That's right, good boy!" the four exclaimed in unison.  
  
"I am a boy!" Mamoru exclaimed excitedly as he looked down his boxer   
pajama pants. "Would you like to see, Michiru? Or you, Hotaru?" he   
asked hopefully.  
  
Haruka rolled her eyes. Michiru sputtered her coffee across the table.   
"Uh no, dear. You should save that for Usagi. I'm sure she'll be glad   
to look at it," she giggled. Poor Usagi.  
  
"Okay, if you're all sure." He looked around the room disappointedly.   
He was so proud now that he realized he was a boy.  
  
"NO, thanks!" they all shouted.  
  
Setsuna heard the car drive up outside and went out to meet Usagi.   
"He's doing it again; it was that kick in the head I guess," she   
informed Usagi.  
  
"I'm sorry he bothered you. I'll take him home to sleep it off. He   
should be okay by tomorrow," Usagi apologized.  
  
"Who is he this time?" she asked.   
  
"It's Michiru's turn this time. She wasn't home yet and Haruka woke up   
and found him in bed with her. . . " Setsuna began.  
  
"I'll kill him," Usagi began muttering.  
  
"Anyway, I had to defend the poor thing when Michiru came home and   
found them still in bed together," Setsuna explained gleefully.  
  
Usagi choked and burst out laughing. "Oh that's so funny! It's even   
better than when he thought he was Minako or Makoto!"  
  
"He seems to be working his way through the senshi. He's remembering   
his name starts with 'M' at least," Setsuna added thoughtfully.  
  
"But he hasn't been Ami MIZUNO or MARS yet," said Usagi.  
  
"Mamoru's realized he's a boy this time. In fact he's rather obsessed   
with it. But you'll see what I mean," Setsuna remarked cryptically.  
  
Usagi and Setsuna entered the large kitchen. Hotaru, Haruka, Michiru,   
and Mamoru were at the table drinking coffee. Setsuna announced,   
"Usagi's here to take you home now, Mamoru."  
  
Mamoru looked at Usagi with a puzzled expression, "I know you. Are you   
my Mommy?"  
  
Usagi giggled. Poor Mamo-chan. "No darling, I'm your wife. It's time   
to go home now. Say goodbye to your friends and thank them for taking   
care of you."  
  
"Bye-bye. Thank you," Mamoru parroted happily. Usagi took him by the   
hand and led him out to the car.   
  
She waved at the Outers as she drove away and shouted back, "Thanks   
again!"  
  
Mamoru looked around the car and hummed happily to himself as they   
drove home. "I'm a boy!" he announced proudly. "None of them would   
Look," he added sadly. He turned toward Usagi hopefully, "But they   
said you would!" He pulled down the elastic on his boxers so she could   
'See'.   
  
Usagi sighed and glanced over, "Yes dear, that's very nice."  
  
Mamoru slipped one hand down into his shorts. He looked at Usagi   
shyly, "You can play with It if you want to. Would you like to play   
with It?"  
  
Usagi sputtered. "Maybe later dear, after we get home. I need to   
drive now."  
  
Mamoru blushed and looked at her pleadingly, "You promise?"  
  
Usagi nodded, "Okay."  
  
"It's lots of fun to play with. I LIKE to play with It," Mamoru   
announced happily as he fondled himself. The drive home went   
peacefully for Usagi as Mamoru busily amused himself for several   
minutes.  
  
"Usagi, I'm remembering better aren't I," Mamoru asked curiously when   
his attention was no longer centered on his lower anatomy.  
  
"Yes dear," she answered absently.  
  
"I remembered that I'm a boy!" he announced again proudly. Usagi   
rolled her eyes. Not again!  
  
Mamoru's mood changed again as he realized she was not paying attention   
to him. "I kind of made a mess in my pants," Mamoru admitted sadly and   
tears began to roll down his face. "I'm sorry."  
  
"It's all right baby. I still love you. We'll get you all cleaned up   
when we get home," Usagi said soothingly.  
  
Mamoru brightened immediately; he wasn't in trouble after all. "I   
remembered my name starts with 'M', doesn't it?" he asked excitedly.  
  
"Yes dear," Usagi answered resignedly.  
  
Mamoru's face assumed a puzzled look once more as he pulled down the   
elastic on his boxers and looked down just to be sure. He asked   
plaintively, "But Usagi, if I'm Motoki, shouldn't It be much BIGGER?" 


End file.
